THAT HEAVEN

"The enormity lies not only in the darkness
but in the worldwide, winning light
of those awakening in God."
—Yogananda

Suddenly, as if urgency was needed, I could sense Yogananda becoming serious and thoughtful.

“There is too much focus on the fatalistic mind thought of some of humanity in regard to end times, which only serves to increase fear and negative energy on earth. Fear of the unknown often dulls common sense.”

After thinking on this I said to Yogananda, “We seem to be witnessing the last of a civilization that may very well disappear under the bulldozers of unloving pursuit of wealth and power. Despite the assurances of our leaders, it appears that much of what is taking place globally is beyond their control.”

Yogananda laid this in my heavy heart, “Replacing the divinity of self with fear, a downward spiral ensues within the mind and actions of man. Global economics, advancing bacteria, infestations of insects, pestilence, environmental damage, water scarcity, power grid failures, politics, famine, joblessness, cyber-suppression, fear-mongers, terrorism, war, transitional governments, and more, are troublesome and are a threat to civilization.

“I sense your concern for encroaching darkness. All the difficulties Mother Earth and its inhabitants are facing are penetrating everybody’s life. Side-by-side, the dark and the light are speeding up, with chaos intensifying in parallel to an awakening in love and God.”

“How can we prepare for such enormity?”

“Set forth a plan for emergencies. Don’t allow yourself to hold the consciousness of negativity, for it only adds darkness to your environment and your soul.

“Be loving today, so it becomes a loving past tomorrow. Thus consequences from mistakes will not be carried forth. Increase the light with love for all, for the enormity lies not only in the darkness but in the worldwide, winning light of those awakening in God.

“You are not experiencing the end of Mother Earth, only change, for there has always been change. Mother Earth’s natural, cyclical changes—which often generate excessive wind, water and fire conditions—along with man-made environmental disasters evident in the warming of the earth and air pollution, are all a part of earth’s changes. Civilizations have come and gone, like the cycles of creation, but God is forever.

“Everything mankind does or says has an effect on the world. By casting a net filled with good intentions and pouring love and light—as from out of a crescent moon—upon the world to promote love, health, harmony, peace, empowerment, and responsible leadership for all, you will allow universal truth to shine its way into all hearts. Act on that thought.

“You are blessed to be living through this vital time in history. The Clear Light Community you live in has the opportunity to be an epitome of ‘World Brotherhood Colonies’—to live in harmony and love, to be self-sufficient, to give hope to others even in the midst of scarcity, suffering and uncertainties.

“Further, enlightenment lies within all people. When your life is full of God expression, you evolve upward with each incarnation, and in due course you will reach the final resting place in God.”

I waited in stillness for more. There seemed to be no breath in me—cut off for an eternal moment.

Accustomed to the way things are
in the safe haven of sameness
—a place of refuge—
we avoid The Unavoidable
for as long as ever
and have need to return at life's end
to repeat, repeat the cycle.

How long, dear souls,
must you continue these roles
on the hub and spokes of the wheel
or the rim, the brim of demarcation
between God and self,
when just within reach
—in the still-point center of the hub—
The Unavoidable waits for you. . . .

A fleeting memory of when I was a very young child came to me. I had announced out loud, to no one in particular, “I want to be alive to see the end of the world!” I have no idea where that declaration came from. There was nothing to prompt it. It simply spilled out of my mouth, like a waterfall over a precipice.

If I had been older, I probably would have said “the end of this civilization,” for I am certain my thoughts did not include the elimination of planet earth or the universe! The thought of “my world” ending was so profound to me at that age that I have never forgotten it.

I have a world map on the wall above my computer. I often use it to orient myself to where strife is in the world—to send love and light to those areas while praying for the good of all.

Suddenly, he spoke again,

“The rising and falling—creation and destruction— cyclically breathes, in due course, with the yugas, just as when a light goes out and another comes on. There is nothing to fear in birth or death.

“Those who do not allow darkness to reign in their hearts and do not lose sight of their divine essence and the spiritual nature of creation will experience higher and higher states of love and awareness. Many are climbing out of darkness, even amidst the chaos.

“Think of the finite dancing with The Infinite, freedom from fear, time embracing Eternity, and Mother Earth a paradise.”

I took a breath, trying to clear my worrisome mind. I asked Yogananda if there was a time frame for the end of our civilization. I received no answer to that question.

All this dialogue seemed fast and heavy. My mind swirled in a battle between so much information and peace.

I remembered what Jesus said in Messages from Jesus: "I cannot predict the future; no one can. Predictions constantly change with prayer and love. Do not believe all the predictions that you hear. Only guesses and generalities can be made. Pray for peace. There is always hope. . . .”

Yogananda whispered into my heart: “Little Mother, share your love with others, and rest easy now.”

Dancing edges of chaos and order
—spiral fractals of Self—
unable to light upon a straight line,
the line of demarcation
between God and duality.
I surrendered. . . .
All chaos disappeared,
and I rested in God.

MESSAGES FROM JESUS

The following is one of many conversations between Jesus and Mary Ann. Jesus' words are italicized. ...

"Being a healer has often been challenging, especially since I started out as a conservative Christian. It amazes me, now, that the Christian community does not always accept healers. Some of them shun healers and have little faith in the healing arts."

"Skepticism is not limited to Christians. Those who are skeptical have not realized God gave gifts of healing, working of miracles, words of wisdom, knowledge, faith, prophecy, distinguishing between spirits, speaking in tongues and more.

"Everyone has gifts. Being a student, mother, or father is a gift. With all these gifts comes balance. If all were healers, who would teach knowledge? If all were miracle workers, who would raise the children? You are all a part of the One, each no less than the other.

"One of the difficulties of the community lies not in believing that healers exist but in the knowledge that some healers exploit their gifts. They believe, therefore, that all healers exploit their gifts. The gift may be genuine, but some healers forget to remember from whence the gift came.

"When healers become so puffed-up with importance, and give credit to their own self, and become noisy with boasting about healing successes and charge exorbitant fees, then they are exploiting their gift. They are as noisy clangs and only that.

"Woe to any person giving false pretense when it comes to being a messenger of God in any way."

"On one assignment, I worked in coma recovery and, on another, I worked with neonates. Some people question how an unconscious person or an infant can receive healing if they cannot express faith."

Jesus interrupted me at this point to say, "All it takes is a simple thought or prayer with an intent to heal. Then, by letting go and letting God, you allow God to take over. You are born realizing an innate oneness in God. Infants are aware from whence they came and, in that subconscious remembering, have simply natural faith and trust in God. Coma patients can often hear and be guided during healing and recovery. And, if they can't hear, they, too, remember from within."

"That brings to mind something that happened several years ago. My brother-in-law was in a coma in the hospital. He and his wife had been very skeptical of my healing gift, but were kind enough not to say anything. When his wife was at the hospital, I visited her, not to offer healing for her husband, but to support her in her time of trial. The first visit, I simply was with her in the waiting room. The next day, I went back, and she was in the intensive care unit with her husband. I joined her and we spent time talking while her husband lay in bed. Suddenly I was moved to say to her, 'I do Healing Touch.' Immediately, she excitedly said, 'Oh, would you, would you, please!' And so, I went up to the bed to scan her husband's aura. In the meantime, his daughter, my niece, came in, and while we were all standing alongside of the bed, the doctor came in.

"This doctor knew of my healing gift. He knew I had been in the emergency room and elsewhere in the hospital doing healing work when called upon. He stood alongside of the wife and told her that her husband was dying, partly because he was unable to get enough oxygen into his lungs. He explained why nothing more could be done. When he left, I looked down at my brother-in-law lying in bed, and for some wonderful reason, I felt moved to suddenly drop my hands over his lungs and push down with force, shouting out loud, 'Bill, did you hear that?! You are going to die if you don't start breathing from down here!' As I pushed even harder on his lungs, again I shouted, even louder, 'Did you hear that?!' He came out of his coma, opened his eyes, and winked at me!

"Even in a coma, he had heard my message, strong and clear. He went home within a few weeks, and tended a garden the next spring. He has outlived his wife."

"Skeptics only see what they perceive as unsuccessful healings, not realizing all the underlying factors that make up why a person was healed or not, or even what is healed. Healing does not have to mean that a miraculous change in physical condition occurs. You are made up of so much more than the physical. You are a spiritual being, an emotional being, a mindful being, and a physical being. Healing involves every aspect of your life. You all have the capacity for facilitating healing. You do it all of the time without realizing it."

SUSTAINED BY FAITH

Ah, holy man, my sight is filled
from your single star,
yet I cannot hear your voice
in the shining silence,
however strong your pull
within my heart.

As I walk in the midst
of infinite moments,
may I sing upon the gentle breeze,
to shower you with words of love.

The evening of Yogananda’s birthday, as I went into the Retreat dining room, I felt myself shift into a state of meditative euphoria in which I was aware of being one with everything. My memory clear . . . I remember it vividly, as if I were back there again.

Almost startled, I looked up as I entered. Everything and everyone in the dining room was lit up, as if a light had been turned on, outlining every form in brilliance beyond what was physically possible. All movement slowed down. As I sat with others for dinner, everything was clean and bright and stood out. I felt surrounded and permeated by the light, unsure where I ended and it began.

People were chatting and eating, seemingly in a manner that was not different from the norm, and yet I saw it differently. As I watched the slowed performance, no one seemed aware of this phenomenon, nor was I moved to share it.

George, unaware of what I was experiencing, sat at my right, and we ate a beautiful meal within the glow, in slow motion. . . . As everyone was eating, I saw that each mouthful was truly an act of devotion, yet they were totally unaware of this.

Through the open kitchen door, I watched Carrie, who loved making desserts, place dessert on individual dishes with loving care. I was mesmerized by her undeviating focus on her task. She was simply, meticulously placing pieces of pie on individual plates, with unswerving devotion to her task. I could feel her reverence. She glowed within the scene, unaware of everything around her, unaware of me watching. Her movements were in slow motion, as each crumb was removed or put in its place, each piece of pie perfectly centered on the plate. The light of God poured forth grace through her into plate after plate of pie, as she orchestrated perfection, and energy resonated outward, everywhere, encompassing all. This was truly soul food in its highest form.

Within the moments between moments, I realized, from her beautiful, loving essence, that she was preparing to serve God. And I realized that truly every action we take is in the oneness and presence of God. Observing the action encompassed in the brightness as time slowed down, I was amazed at the unity of the whole as life went on.

I watched as each person was silently attended to. I watched this beautiful, egoless woman devotionally serve this dessert to each guest, as if it were being placed before God. I watched as they ate it, seemingly unaware of its blessed state. I remember being served this love-filled pie. I don’t remember what kind of pie it was. I don’t remember eating it.

This phenomenon of brilliance-seeing and the euphoric feelings that accompany it has occurred in many instances throughout my life. And sometimes, as if waiting to be noticed, this light surprises me in unexpected places, in everyday life. We dwell in it, most often unaware.

The meal ended and everyone stayed around the table to chat. No one had even mentioned that it was Yogananda’s birthday. I thought it was odd that this was a yoga retreat center, reportedly based on Yogananda’s teachings, and they didn’t mention or publicly announce a celebration for his birthday.

I couldn’t help but ask, “Why do you celebrate Jesus’ birth with a six-hour meditation, and the New Year with a three-hour meditation, and for Yogananda’s birthday, nothing?”

I received a sound retort for that one with the reply, “What do you want, presents?” I said no more, but for some reason it bothered me.

I admired how Yogananda referred to Jesus as an avatar of supreme magnitude in his book, Autobiography of a Yogi. It felt comfortable that a new teacher was becoming near and dear to me, even with Jesus at my side.

I was pleased when, finally, I was told the evening meditation was to be devoted to Yogananda. Before it started, we were each handed a flower.

I immediately held the flower up to my nose to smell it. George came over to me and said, “For this celebration we keep the fragrance for the Master, so we don’t smell it.” I love to smell flowers—they seem to speak to me—but I reluctantly abstained from smelling it any further. However, I looked upon and felt its loveliness. And then, hesitating, I wondered if I should have left even those perceptions to the Master also. How could I restrain myself from such beauty in hand? I held the flower and attempted to not pay attention to it.

During the service, at the appropriate time, I laid the flower on the altar as an offering to Yogananda in celebration of his birthday. I knelt there for a moment in prayer and thanked Yogananda for his presence in my life.

When I returned to my place, I suddenly felt very cold and looked to see if the entrance door was open. It wasn’t open. My tinnitus became deafening, like a train rushing through, and immediately I had a headache. Time stood still. I turned my head toward the altar, and I saw Yogananda before me in shining, ethereal form—with welcoming arms, smiling at me—accompanied by a heavenly fragrance of flowers so aromatic it overpowered the flowers already in the room. It entered me, I felt it throughout my body and I could taste the fragrance in my saliva.

The noise, the pain and the cold simply were no more. As I kept my eyes fixed on Yogananda, I felt overwhelming love, and silent tears of joy flowed down my face as the fragrance lingered within me. And as I breathed the fragrance over and over, I felt a vacuum building within me. My pelvic floor clamped shut, and energy shot up my spine, radiating throughout my body.

Into the source of all God made,
in boundless void displayed!
What was hidden from my mortal eyes
I saw through the eye of my soul.

Ah, sweet communion this did impart
on the strings of my immortal heart.
As if I were an instrument to be played,
what filled my heart was clearly conveyed.

All this as Yogananda stood there with arms outstretched, smiling, seemingly thanking and welcoming me. “Home at last” resonated in my heart. And all the while, I was oblivious to the birthday-commemoration meditation continuing on around me.

Keeping this experience to myself, for I did not know how much I should share with my new friends or even what to say, I simply grew closer to Yogananda and Song of the Morning.